Valentine’s Day – the day of roses, heart-shaped boxes, and cupids with arrows – is past, which is symbolic because the age of equating love with roses, heart-shaped boxes, and cupids is passing. In this age that is passing, we often mistook need for love. How could this be? Doesn’t love require signs of affection, shows of constancy, and gifts to seal the bargain? It never has. When someone fears losing your affection, he or she will strive to keep it. Perhaps you have strived to keep someone’s affection, too. Fear of loss is not love. When your intention is to avoid losing love, your gifts are manipulations. When it is to appreciate someone with no strings attached, they are expressions of love.

We are leaving the age in which appearances were all that mattered because they were all that we could see and entering a new age in which essence is becoming visible. The essence of a person is not the clothing she wears or the things he does. People who love do not stop loving when others change their clothing or act differently. Your essence is not even your history, culture, race, or what you think and do. It is your soul.

A few decades ago “soul” was a theological or poetic word. That is changing. You experience your soul each time you sense yourself as more than a mind and body, your life as meaningful, or you feel that you have gifts to give and you long to give them. You experience your soul when meaning, purpose, gratitude, patience, and appreciation fill you, no matter how briefly. Cultivating those experiences aligns your personality with your soul. That is creating authentic power.

Soul-to-soul connection (not appearance-to-appearance connection) is love. (That is why we call this newsletter Soul Connections.) Think of love as the sun. It shines on everyone. The sun is not afraid of losing your love, and it doesn’t even require you to smile back at it. The more we love like the sun shines, the more we become able to look back on Valentine’s Day and see it very differently.



  • Published: February 20, 2012
  • Filed in: Blog


  1. SGillis says:

    Awesome! Your comments remind me of a Hafiz poem: Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, “you owe me.” Look what happens with a love like that — it lights the whole world!

  2. Willow says:

    Love does not know Time. Love is not attachment.

  3. megld03 says:

    Thanks Gary so much for the wonderful thought that we are now entering an age where essence is paramount; that we are moving away from the distraction of appearances to what is really important about a person. Perhaps people will look within than without for peace and happiness. And we will treat those around us with greater esteem and less criticism. Although there is much turmoil in the world at the moment, I look forward to the development of this new consciousness.

  4. ArtStudent says:

    This is beautiful and, yet, still, I let the fear creep in. I have been working on looking inward and feeling the pain instead of avoiding. It seems like an endless mountain of pain and so when you say “essence is visible” I fear other’s seeing what I view as the bad within me.

    This is good stuff and I have much to work on. Any thoughts?

    1. careyott says:

      i know what u mean. Just keep working. Keep loving yourself and others.

  5. Michael says:

    Thank you for your newsletter about Valentine’s Day. As Linda shared, I too have had many difficult V-days. This year I decided that I would not let a date on the calendar determine how I feel. It worked–I was liberated from the feelings of comparison that normally come with V-day (and many other holidays, for that matter). It showed me that positive, uplifting feelings can come as a result of a simple decision.

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