A responsible choice is a choice that creates consequences that you are willing to assume responsibility for. For example, you may usually shout when you become angry. Shouting in anger pushes people away, they are intimidated by you, they are cautious about sharing with you, and you become isolated. The more isolated you become, the angrier you become, and the more isolated and lonely you become, even if you are surrounded by people. This is because the people who surround you will have energy like yours. They will also be angry, and judgmental, too. They will find faults with others, the system (any system), and live their lives as righteous victims. They will try to convince others of the wrongs and injustices they see and of their own superiority. When they succeed, they bond with those people. Their group of “Us” becomes larger and always in conflict with a group of “Them.” If you are an angry person, is this what you want to create? If so, continue to act in anger, and you will.

Here is another example. Some people feel good about helping others, and they do so often. They do not realize that their good deeds have a second agenda. They want to be appreciated. When a care-taker gives and gives and does not receive appreciation, thanks, or even acknowledgement, she becomes resentful. Her resentment grows over time and eventually turns to anger, and then explodes at the person who is not thankful or appreciative. People at first enjoy her care-taking, but after a while, they avoid it, unless they desperately need it, because it feels “sticky.” It comes with strings attached, unspoken obligations, and people do not like it. The more they resist it, the more unappreciated the care-taker feels, the more resentful she feels, and the angrier she becomes. If you are a care-taker, is this what you want to create? If so, continue to caretake, and you will.

Caretaking is different from care-giving. Care-giving has no second agendas or hidden motives. The care is given from love for the joy of giving without expectation, no strings attached. It cannot be manipulated or discouraged because love cannot be manipulated or discouraged. Care-givers attract care-givers and live in a community of love. They are energized by their caring, fulfilled, and they love life. Care-takers attract care-takers and live in the company of resentful victims who see themselves as misused and are fatigued from constant giving with no return.

Care-giving requires the intention of love, care-taking requires the intention of fear. Not acting in anger when you are angry requires the intention of love. Shouting when you are angry requires the intention of fear – the intention to manipulate and control others – to pursue external power. When you know your intention, you are in a position to choose the consequences that you will create for yourself. When you choose an intention that creates consequences for which you are willing to be responsible, that is a responsible choice. When the intention you choose is love, you create authentic power.


  • Published: January 16, 2013
  • Filed in: Blog


  1. KimMoxie says:

    Has anyone ever been in a situation wherein you had to make an important decision and when you stated to others the intention driving your choice, you heard yourself talking as if you were in a box? There was a sort of echo to your words? I have and it brings a feeling of falseness with it like I just told the biggest lie ever. I think that’s a sign that shouldn’t be ignored, for me anyways.

  2. gracepetals says:

    I had a huge ah ha while reading this article. I had just made the decision to dissolve an attempted relationship, and try to salvage a friendship from it. We were both “caretakers.” It is so important in this life to come from a place of unconditional love. As soon as we put our agendas out there, things do become a mess.

    I have had to let my family go as well. I have one sister who presents as very “plastic” to me. We have never been close. Our father was the last bit of glue holding the family together. He died last October (2012). I had to step down as one of the executors, as the anger and toxicity were too much for me. There are many variations out there as to why we “choose” the family we do. My experience, for many years, has been as the black sheep who’s beliefs are not welcome.
    I finally took the approach cynthianeal has. To let things go and get on with life. There are times the family members will try to reel me back in. I simply don’t go for the baited hook anymore.
    Angelique, I love your story! I too found the Seat of the Soul when I was in my late 30’s. And then my life took on a mind of it’s own. I am in the process of attracting into my life what I need. There are certainly no accidents! We may believe so while in the moment and the experience, but if we can take a step back we will see the universe conspires to bring it all together.

  3. Angelique says:

    I am a quintessential care-giver, and appreciate the distinction you make between freely giving from a place of love and its opposite, care-taking, which is really about “getting,” not “giving.” Yes, caregiving stems from love, and care-taking from fear based efforts to control others.

    Seat of the Soul was the first spiritual book I ever read. I was in my mid-thirties at the time. I wish I could remember how I came to read it, but I can’t. I do know that I read it shortly after it was published, and then saw you on the Oprah show (I’ve been a fan from the beginning) not long after. I remember feeling I understood every word you wrote so completely, internally nodding with every page turn. What spoke to me the most was that as multi-sensory beings we must strive for authentic empowerment less we are restricted to the human realm. The seed was planted and my life changed forever, not quickly, but authenticity began to guide my every thought, word and action. Of course, as is my nature, I bought a copy for everyone in my family–my siblings and kids. That’s because at the time I was obsessed with sharing this new philosophy because I had no sense of myself as an individual, and needed approval from others to feel validated.

    Fast forward twenty years later. My life was a train wreck. When I was helping my daughter pack to move I came across the copy of Seat of The Soul I had given her when she was just a teenager. I reclaimed the book and re-read it with new eyes this time, with the same recognition as the first time, but with a renewed determination to put the principle of authentic empowerment to work in my life. This precipitated a 2000 mile move to Ojai, California two years ago, and a new life I never dreamed possible. By this time I had become familiar with the Esther Hicks’ Law of Attraction and began actively visualizing the life I wanted to live. And today I live that life in every fiber of my being. I’m now collaborating on a book with a fellow care-giver (who actually is her 95-year-old father’s caregiver) and spiritual partner that traces our journey of synchronicity. We met in a 12 step program and what started out as email sharing with each other our thoughts from a daily meditation reader (Each Day A New Beginning by Karen Casey) has turned into work on a book about universal direction we are receiving from our spiritual guides that reveal daily how we are traveling separate paths together. The common thread in our relationship is that we both completely believe that everything in the universe is interconnected and that there are no accidents. All is as it must be.

  4. tlc says:

    You mentioned that we are surrounded by people that have like energy but what does that mean when you have family members that are judgmental and angry? Do you stay engaged and close to them even when you feel like that environment or relationship isn’t one that you want to be in?

    1. cynthianeal says:

      To tlc. I have had to make the painful decision of disconnecting from my family. My parents as well as a few siblings. It seemed that I was wanting to be loved by my parents but my parents have favorites when it comes to their children. Many things had transpired where I would see and experience some very painful things from my parents and 2 siblings in particular. I continued to want a relationship and would at times forget about the hurtful experiences. In November 2012 I finally made a decision that I was not going to subject myself to what was very clear to me and it hurt greatly because I have not talked to my parents or been to their house since an incident on Thanksgiving Day. I am not angry with any of the family members and have a very deep love for them but I just can’t deal with the drama anymore and I feel sad at times but no more drama. If you are in a relationship that is toxic YOU have to decide that you are important and that you deserve happiness. Get the toxic people out of your life if that is possible. Do what you have to do to take care of YOU.

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