What is unworthiness? Of course, it is the awareness of a part of your personality that says to itself, “I am unworthy,” for example, I am unworthy of the love that I have in my life, or the wealth that I have, and more commonly, I am unworthy of the happiness that I feel. Thoughts such as “It’s too good to be true, and “This can’t last forever because it is too good” are experiences of unworthiness. You feel unworthy of what the Universe has given you, that you do not deserve it, that the other shoe will fall, and it is only a matter of time before you will get what you really deserve, which will be painful.
Unworthiness is all these things and more. It is the inmost frightening thought that you do not belong, no matter how much you want to belong. That you are an outsider and will always be an outsider. It is the idea that you are flawed and cannot be fixed. It is wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, or wanting to love and feeling that you are not capable of loving. It is the feeling that no matter what you do, it is not enough, that you are incurably inadequate, intrinsically and permanently flawed. It is the fear of people seeing you as you really are, the belief that if they did, they would not want anything to do with you. All this is the experience of unworthiness, and beneath all of this is the experience of powerlessness – of feeling powerless to be a real part of Life, to love, to be loved, to affect the world, to be heard, to be worth hearing or to have something worthy saying. It is self-loathing, self-hatred, and no matter how difficult this idea is to even consider, it will not leave you somewhere deep inside, and it is excruciating. It is the most painful experience in the Earth school, and everyone shares it. This is the pain of powerlessness.
The pain of powerlessness has fueled our evolution. It has caused us to reach outward continually, relentlessly, to change the world around us. Pursuing external power – the ability to manipulate and control – has been our way of avoiding the pain of powerlessness. Anything that we do to make ourselves feel worthy and safe is a flight from the pain of powerlessness. Every pursuit of external power – every attempt to change the world or a person in order to make yourself feel valuable and safe – is a distraction from the pain of powerlessness. All the distractions in the world cannot uproot the pain of powerlessness inside you.
Our history is a chronicle of the ways that we have attempted to escape from the pain of powerlessness, or said the other way, the ways that we have pursued external power. Tribes fight tribes, siblings fight siblings, nations invade nations, individuals strive to become stronger than one another, or more seductive, educated, wealthy, or famous. The list is as long as it is familiar. The pursuit of external power surrounds us everywhere. We are continually attempting to mask the pain of powerlessness from ourselves, and others are continually doing the same. Driving every avaricious banker, sexual predator, workaholic, perfectionist, and all attempts to exploit anything or anyone is fear of the pain of powerlessness and the need to escape it.
Now that our perception is expanding beyond the five senses, we are becoming able to see the pursuit of external power for what it is and the futility of trying to escape the pain of powerlessness by changing the world. This is our new emerging common perception: to dismantle the control of the parts of our personalities that have controlled us for so long – such as anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, superiority, inferiority – we need to look inward, not outward. We need to change ourselves instead of the world in order to liberate ourselves once and for always from the tormenting experiences of unworthiness.
Spiritual partners help one another recognize when a frightened part of the personality is active – when they are striving to mask the pain of powerlessness, for example, by becoming angry, jealous, or a victim. When you are not aware that a frightened part of your personality is active, you forget that all is perfect. You forget to relax and enjoy yourself. You become serious, concerned, and overwhelmed. If you were able to laugh with your spiritual partners, to say “I am doing it again. A part of my personality is again feeling like the most unworthy person in the Universe,” then you could all laugh at this.
The pain of powerlessness is now fueling our evolution in a very different way. Instead of reaching outward to change the world in order to avoid it, we now look inward to experience it, to change ourselves, to create authentic power, and we act on the healthiest parts our personality that we can access in the moment. For example, we choose to act with patience when we are angry, or to act with appreciation when we are judging.
This is a very big change. It is a change in the way that humanity is evolving. Our evolution now requires us to experience consciously all the painful impulses that have created all the painful consequences in our lives when we acted on them and then choose consciously to act instead from the healthiest, most wholesome parts of our personalities that we can access in the moment. Each time we do this, we create authentic power. When we create authentic power again and again, we become authentically powerful. Each experience of unworthiness reminds us that now is the time to create authentic power.